[Rule] 37. Avoid the "and" sentence; that is, a sentence in which and is used when there is no real coordination. Such sentences are sometimes called rocking-horse sentences. A good rule to remember is The fewer and's, the more effective the sentence. The remedy for the and fault is generally subordination.
Slipshod. My mother could not keep out the persistent rain, and I was thoroughly soaked before I reached my destination.
Much better. Since my slicker could not keep out the persistent rain, I was thoroughly soaked before I reached my destination.
[Rule] 39. Avoid what may be called the house-that-Jack-built sentences. They wander from one idea to another without purpose or plan. Sometimes the remedy is subordination; at other times the original sentence should be split up into shorter sentences. Sometimes both methods may be profitably employed.
Slovenly. Rawdon was the favorite of his Aunt Crawley, an old lady with immense fortune, the whole of which seemed destined to fall into his clutches, a fact which, in my opinion, was answerable for his singularly dissolute ways.
Better. Rawdon was the favorite of his Aunt Crawley, an old lady with immense fortune, the whole of which seemed destined to fall into his clutches. This fact, in my opinion, was answerable for his singularly dissolute ways.
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